


all i want

by mi1kteas



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Character Death, I wrote this on impulse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to Depression, i am sad so i wrote this, wonwoo is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:13:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23819005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mi1kteas/pseuds/mi1kteas
Summary: all that wonwoo wants is mingyu, is that too much to ask ?
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	all i want

**Author's Note:**

> i was inspired by the song all i want by olivia rodrigo ! do listen to the song while reading this if u want :-)

it was probably a few months ago, somewhere in march when mingyu walked out of their shared apartment. wonwoo had just gotten back from his classes when he noticed that mingyu was gone. it wasn't the fact that his clothes were not in the closet anymore or the missing shoes on the shoe rack.

no, it was the pure absence of warmth in the apartment that wonwoo was greeted with that confirmed his assertion that mingyu had left, for good. 

he saw it coming, of course he did. their relationship was falling apart day by day, and was hanging on its last thread before it finally snapped. mingyu didn't leave him a note or a text saying goodbye, instead he left without a word, the emptiness of the house substituting for a goodbye.

wonwoo can't remember when was the last time mingyu and him had a date, or when was the last time he had said i love you to mingyu.

wonwoo can't remember when was the last time they were happy together.

everything was a blur, the only things he could recall of the relationship he had with mingyu was the countless fights they had and the crestfallen expression on mingyu's face whenever they did. it's sad how the only memories he had of mingyu was the pain and the broken pieces of their relationship, or at least that's what he thinks.

did wonwoo forget about mingyu ? of course not, he just wants to convince himself that he did. but how could he forget the only reason that he had to live his life ? 

wonwoo led a pretty rough life growing up, dealing with various mental health issues. his parents had abandoned him when he was four and he was sent to an orphanage where he eventually grew up till he was of the age to leave the orphanage if he wanted to without the need to be adopted. 

wonwoo was never a demanding or greedy person. he never had anything he wanted in this world and lived by the motto: take what you get and make the best out of it. he figured that if he was never wanted by anyone in his life ( with courtesy of his biological parents and no one wanting to adopt him ), he didn't really see a need to be wanted ever or want something.

well, kim mingyu clearly proved him wrong. 

wonwoo had never wanted someone so badly the moment he met mingyu. something about the puppy-like boy drew wonwoo in and wonwoo really couldn't get enough. 

mingyu was like a breath of fresh air, something that wonwoo didn't know he needed since the older was pretty much used to the suffocating, dull and dry life he led. mingyu was a burst of sunlight that was able to light up his life, and even his darkest thoughts. 

the moment wonwoo met mingyu, everything that he knew about himself and the world he had created suddenly vanished and he was opened to a new blank canvas, this time with mingyu as his partner. 

mingyu taught him how to love, how to feel wanted and want someone back, how to accept himself and see the beauty in many. mingyu taught him that there were good things in life to look forward to and wonwoo was never able to thank him for that. 

mingyu taught him how to be happy without having to force himself, mingyu taught him everything he knew.

the once blank canvas of his life was now filled with bright and cheerful colours. it was covered in memories that would keep him going later on during his toughest times. the canvas was made of everything mingyu and him had.

it seemed like everything was going well for wonwoo and that the misconceptions he had once were disappearing, it was like he was finally okay. but like all good things in life, they eventually come to an end.

" goddamnit wonwoo, just tell me what you want ! " mingyu yelled as he stared at wonwoo, his face red from anger and his breathing was heavy. wonwoo's head was facing the floor, his eyes closed shut as he tried to think. " wonwoo, please.. " mingyu choked out as he bit back tears and clenched his fists hard. 

_i want you, kim mingyu. i want you and you_ _only_ , was what wonwoo wanted to say but instead the latter only looked at mingyu, his expression cold.

" i don't know what i want, mingyu. " _stupid fucking idiot you shouldn't have said that._

wonwoo didn't miss how mingyu's face fell harder, and how the tears were now running down the boy's face with no intentions of stopping. wonwoo was a coward, and he hated it.

due to the mental health issues that he had growing up, wonwoo was assigned to a therapist by his orphanage and continued to see the same therapist even after he left, thinking that it was a hassle to change and open up again to another worthless adult who thinks that they are helping. wonwoo never believed that he would ever recover or hit any form of recovery, until mingyu walked into his life. 

to wonwoo, therapy sessions cost a fortune and are stupid while mingyu's existence was priceless and all he needed to feel better. 

" am i not good enough for you ? am i not helping you at all, won ? " mingyu stuttered out as the two of them continued to stare at each other. it was their fourth fight of the week and wonwoo was tired, he really was.

 _you were more than enough for me, gyu. you helped me more than any damn therapy session i had went for,_ but of course, he didn't reply with that. 

wonwoo was always skeptical about the concept of love. he never really ever felt it growing up and was immune to all sorts of affection and care that others showed. that immunity and lack of knowledge came crashing down the minute he laid eyes on kim mingyu. he didn't think it was possible to fall in love with someone so easily just by a short glance but as the days went by and he got to know mingyu better and more, he realised that love was not as complicated as he thought it was.

" wonwoo, do you still love me ? " mingyu whispered out the afternoon before wonwoo had to leave for his classes. wonwoo looked up from his phone to stare at mingyu and his heart shattered. the usual playful glint in mingyu's eyes were gone, and the childish grin that was always on mingyu's face was missing, only to be replaced by a frown.

" i don't know, gyu. i think i do. " wonwoo said and his heart dropped as he watched tears spill out of mingyu's eyes. mingyu nodded slowly, his mouth pressed into a thin line. " i see. i love you won, you should head for your classes now. " 

_why did you do that, jeon wonwoo._

laying in his bed, his eyes staring at the ceiling and his mind filled with the million ' what-ifs ' that he had been thinking about for the past few months since mingyu left, wonwoo was a mess. bloody cuts and fresh scars decorated his arms and thighs, his desk and floor was filled with empty beer bottles and cans and his bed was stained with blood and tear stains. he had changed the lock to the apartment so that his friends could not get in and see the disastrous state he was in.

grabbing the bloody razor beside him, he pressed the blade against his left wrist that was still wounded from the various cuts and slit another line down, this time applying more pressure with hopes that he would pierce a vein or artery that would help end his life and his misery. 

wonwoo was being irrational and idiotic for doing this to himself, he is well aware of that. but, it felt like the only actions he could take were those and nothing else. he couldn't possibly go and find mingyu and beg for the boy to take him back. he couldn't and he knows it.

he sat up slowly, his mind dizzy from the bloodloss and the lack of sleep, and looked around for his phone. he spotted it sitting on the desk, amongst the heaps of tissues and beer cans and walked over to grab it, only to notice that it was dead. carefully crossing the beer bottles, he made his way to his charger and plugged his phone in, waiting for the screen to light up. he had not touched his phone in three months ever since he got off the phone with jeonghan, a childhood friend from the orphanage.

the two were talking about the breakup even though wonwoo was unwilling to, but jeonghan knew better than to let wonwoo be left alone with his self-destructive thoughts. " jeon wonwoo, get your shit together. i know it hurts now but you have to accept it and move on. we are all here for you wonwoo, don't just give up on yourself already. " jeonghan remarked and wonwoo let out a dry chuckle. " what's there to continue living for when the only thing that is keeping me alive is gone ? "

the bright light emitting from his screen disrupted his thoughts and he went back to look at his phone, seeing how he had a shit ton of missed calls and messages from everyone. scrolling past them, he was barely reading any of them. he grabbed a beer bottle nearby and chugged the bitter liquid down his throat, groaning a little. he didn't fail to feel the overgrowing pain in his heart as he continued to scroll and not see that one name. _i'm glad you chose to wipe me out of your life, i'm no good for you._

unlocking his phone, wonwoo began to look through all the old pictures and videos they took, and read through every single message that they had sent to one another. the pain was getting too much for him to handle but he didn't care, he never did. 

he thought that maybe if he caused himself more and more pain, he could rid the desire of wanting mingyu. but that was never going to work out.

wonwoo is always going to want mingyu, no matter what. 

he glanced over at his phone and bit his lip, blood was smeared all over the screen from when the blood dripped from his wounds down to his phone. he flipped through his contact lists and found the person he was looking for and began to type a message. after he was done, he pressed send and moved his phone away from him.

crawling to the dresser near where his phone was charging, wonwoo opened it and took out a bottle. _ms kang finally did something useful for me._ emptying out the contents onto his hands, he quickly slipped them into his mouth and swallowed them down with the remaining fluid inside the beer bottle beside him. his ears were ringing and his vision was getting vividly more blurry. lying down on the floor, he thought about how happy he was when mingyu was his and how everything was finally going to be okay, and broke into a small but genuine smile before darkness took over and surrounded him.

his phone vibrated and the screen light up to show that chatroom between him and the person he had last texted.

**to: jeonghan :)**

**⊵ all i want is mingyu, is that too much to ask ?**

**from: jeonghan :)**

**wonwoo where are you ? ⊴**

**wonwoo ? ⊴**

**Author's Note:**

> its pretty short ik yikes  
> i was just in the mood to be sad and kaboom, this appeared  
> i hope u all enjoyed this and thks for reading x


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